From Nifty.org
Of course, it was all Jimmy’s idea. He always comes up with weird ideas. But we do ’em anyway. ’Cause Jimmy’s ideas’re always fun, too!
So, summer break had started, and three days in, there was already nuthin’ to do. Me an’ Robbie had played like, five games of Monopoly already. We shot about a million baskets at his really lame hoop, that’s kinda nailed onto the side of his Dad’s garage. We rode our bikes all over town – twice already. That’s when Jimmy came up with the idea.
See, he needed to make some money, and he only had one week. But he couldn’t do it by himself, so he asked me and Robbie to help him. He got Rocky and Nicky to help too. They’re in the sixth grade with us at school. But we go into seventh grade after the summer. And Nicky isn’t in our school – he’s Rocky’s cousin, or something. He’s visiting for the summer. Boy, did he pick a boring place to visit!
Anyway, Jimmy said he needed the money for his vacation with his Uncle. His Mom said he could visit his uncle over the summer in L.A., but he had to pay for the bus fare himself. That’s ’cause his Dad’s kind of a loser, and won’t give it to him. And Jimmy really wants to go, ’cause his uncle’s got a really cool place, and is going to take him to where the movies are made, and to the beach, and everything!
Jimmy said whatever we make, we split it five ways. He said he woulda invited us to come with him, but his uncle only has a one-room apartment, with a couch that his uncle folds out into a bed every night. We all said that was okay, it was his uncle anyway.
Finally, Jimmy told us his idea for making money. He said he thought about mowing lawns, but you hafta go to people’s houses and ask them did they want their lawn mowed, and it was all a hassle, and too hot anyway. And he thought about a lemonade stand, but it don’t make enough money, and it was too hot anyway. Just when it looked like Jimmy was going to tell us about five hundred ideas he thought of and decided against, Robbie told him to stop jerkin’ us around and get on with it.
A carwash, Jimmy said, like that explained everything. He said his Dad had lots of car washing stuff he brought home from his job at the store, it was just sitting in the basement in boxes doing nothing, except a couple times a week some guy or other would call around and take one of the boxes and give his Dad some money for it. There was so much stuff, his Dad would never miss a bit of it, he said.
Jimmy had it all figured out. He told Rocky to make a big sign, to advertise the carwash, ’cause he was the best in our class at Art. Nicky could help him. Maybe they could make two signs, he said, one for each end of the street. I had to get hoses and buckets from each of our houses, that way there’d be enough to go ’round. Jimmy told Robbie to get his Mom’s outdoor setting, the table and chairs and umbrella, and set it up on the front lawn, ready for the customers to sit on while their car gets washed. Jimmy said he would be in charge of holding the money, ’cause it was his idea.
Nicky wanted to know how much a car wash was gonna cost, so he could put it on the sign. We all had a big discussion right about then, to decide what we should charge for it, and eventually settled on five bucks, because it seemed about right, and because Jimmy said he could set the price because it was his idea. We all agreed to start the carwash right after lunch, when we brought all the stuff back to Jimmy’s front lawn and finished the signs and all.
Then Jimmy told us there was one more thing: uniforms. Jimmy said we hadda make it look ‘perfessional’, by all wearing the same stuff. We settled on white, ’cause we all had that: white shorts, white shirts, white socks, white trainers.
Business started slow, but by the time we all had to go eat our suppers, we had 8 customers. That means we made forty bucks! There was a bike in the window of Schwinn’s Bike Shop that I woulda killed someone to get, but it was over a hundred bucks! Doing this car washing might mean I could afford it! It was easy work, a lot easier than mowing grass, and when we got hot in the sun, we just squirted each other with the hose!
The next day, Tuesday, we expected to get lots more customers, ’cause we had a whole day, and maybe word got around from yesterday. But we only got a few. At lunchtime, Rocky saw a car go by that looked like it was freshly washed. He knew the driver, so he waved. It was Mister Ferrington, who lived next door to Rocky. He asked him why he didn’t bring his car to us to get washed, we woulda done him a good deal and a good job. Mister Ferrington told him he woulda, but he passed another carwash being run by a buncha girls, just a coupla blocks away, and they asked him if they could wash his car, and he just couldn’t say no, on account of they asked so nicely and all. Plus they had swimsuits on.
Rocky passed this news on to Jimmy. “Those bitches!,” he yelled. “They stole our idea!”
Now, I gotta explain about Jimmy. To him, every girl or woman is a bitch. He’s got three older sisters, they’re ‘lazy bitches’. His Mom is a ‘useless bitch’. His aunties are ‘nosy bitches’. The lady teachers at our school are ‘know-it-all bitches’. Well, that’s how he is. Boy, if my dad ever heard me call any girl or lady a bitch, even old Mrs Durlap, that collects the ticket money at the drive-in theatre and who really is a bitch, I wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week. And to call my Mom a bitch… well, I might as well just pack my bags and leave home.
So Jimmy called an emergency meeting. Wasn’t that hard – we were all standin’ around right there anyway – and said we had to stop those bitches from takin’ all our customers – and our money – right now. Nicky asked how the girls got our idea off us, anyway. That’s when I kinda hung my head. See, My Mom always tells me I might as well tell the truth, ’cause everyone can see when I’m lying, I ain’t no good at it at all. I just blurted right out that it was my fault.
Everyone looked at me so I explained to the guys that like usual, at the supper table last night, Mom had asked us what we all did that day. Well, I was pretty pleased about the forty bucks we made, so I just came right out and told everyone about the carwash, and how easy it was, and how the customers just drove right on up, and everything. But what I kinda never paid much attention to was that right after supper, my sister Anne-Maree spent an awful lot of time on the phone, more than usual even. I guess I shoulda put two and two together. Rocky said I shoulda just shut my big ole mouth.
Robbie asked how come the girls got all our customers just by puttin’ on swimsuits. He said Anne-Maree ain’t even got no tits. But Nicky said that Anne-Maree was friends with that Collins girl, Phoebe, and she’s got great tits. Probably a few of her friends were at the girls’ car wash too. I was too dejected from losin’ all our customers (and our dough) to worry about whether I should be insulted by Robbie’s remark about Anne-Maree’s tits. Why would he be lookin’ there anyway? Robbie’s always talkin’ about girls’ tits – ever since he got a coupla hairs round his dick. It’s weird.
Jimmy wasn’t as pissed with me as I expected he’d be. Sometimes he’s got a pretty short fuse, has Jimmy. He just said that we weren’t gonna let some bitches take our money, and we were gonna fight fire with fire. He said that he had speedos on under his white shorts, and anybody that didn’t could go home right away and put them on, and we were gonna show a lot more skin and get all our customers back. He said if people thought them bitches looked good in swimsuits, wait ’til they see us guys! Then he stripped down to his swimsuit right there in front of us, and sure enough, he had on this pale yellow speedo. Robbie said it looked liked last year’s size, whatever that meant. But the rest of us scattered back to our homes, and ten minutes later we were all in speedos and our customers started to arrive!
It was a lot more fun washin’ the cars in speedos, I was surprised nobody thought of it before. Jimmy said that since Nicky was the cutest-looking boy out of all of us (except himself, of course), that he should make another sign, and go on over to where them bitches (the girls) were washin’ cars, so all their customers would see that they should get their cars washed at the boys’ car wash. Nicky said he was not the cutest, but everyone told him he was too, and to stop arguin’ about it. I couldn’t see why bein’ cute had anything to do with washin’ cars, but I guess that’s ’cause I ain’t no businessman.
We made another fifty-five bucks that afternoon, plus thirty bucks in tips! And we had a lot of fun as well. Robbie pulled Nicky’s speedo down at the back, right in front of a customer, and everybody laughed – even the customer, but not Nicky: he squealed like a girl and chased Robbie with a hose! Rocky put soap suds all around his speedo, so it looked like he was wearing nothin’ but foam! Jimmy popped a boner, but he didn’t even care! He just kept on goin’ right up to the customers after we finished washin’ the cars and askin’ for the money! His speedo stuck way out in front, and since it was wet you could kinda see the tip of his dick through the material, a bit. But he never tried to cover it up! Boy, he was a lot braver than I woulda been.
When it was time for supper, I told the other guys that I would make up for my big mouth by listening in on Anne-Maree if she phones up any of the other girls tonight after supper, just in case they come up with any more ways to steal out customers off us. Robbie said the girls probably would discuss it after they finished washin’ their cars, and maybe he should sneak around there and hide in the bushes and listen, but Jimmy said those bitches are always talking on the phone, even if they just finished talking to each other face-to-face, and that Robbie just wanted to see that bitch Phoebe’s tits in a wet t-shirt. Jimmy told me to make sure I heard everything.
Next day, straight after breakfast, I met everyone on the front lawn of Robbie’s house, where we had everything set up. I told them I listened real good to Anne-Maree, and that was how I found out what they’re gonna do today. It was all Phoebe Collins’ idea, according to what I heard Anne-Maree say, that the girls were all going to wear long white t-shirts with only bikini bottoms underneath them, and to wet the t-shirts so their tits would show through. Jimmy said that big-titted bitch wasn’t going to steal our customers from us, and we were gonna outsmart those bitches at their own game.
Jimmy asked us all whether our parents would notice if we didn’t have those white shorts we wore on Monday anymore, and we all agreed that nobody’s parents would even care. Jimmy told Robbie to go inside and get his mother’s scissors, while we all went back to our houses and got our white shorts. When we met up again, Jimmy explained his new plan for keeping our customers. He told us to follow him to the side of Robbie’s house, where it was shielded from the road by the fence and some bushes.
I couldn’t figure out why we were going back to wearing shorts, since the speedos seemed to work so well, but Jimmy said that the bitches had ‘upped the ante’, and we had to ‘kick in to stay in the game’. He asked Nicky for his shorts, and used the scissors to cut right up the side seam, all the way to just below the waist, on both sides. Then he did the same on the other four pairs of shorts, and gave them back to us.
“Now we put ’em on, with nothing underneath,” Jimmy said, pulling his t-shirt off and dropping his speedos to his ankles. Now I knew why we were doing this in the shelter of the bushes! The rest of us just looked at each other as Jimmy pulled on his cut-up shorts, until Robbie just shrugged and started stripping off as well. Soon we had all stripped and re-dressed in the mangulated shorts, and emerged from the bushes to get to work.
Wearing the shorts felt weird, especially when a gust of wind blew them up in back, it felt like I had on nothin’ at all. And when they got wet, it was worse! With no undies, the wet material just stuck to my dick and you could see the whole thing! But the other guys didn’t seem to mind, so I just got on with my job. I was in charge of wiping the cars down with a chamois after they got their final hose-off from Jimmy. Robbie and Rocky worked the sponges, and Nicky was our supply guy, keeping all the buckets full of water and suds. We still had fun, and lots of customers. I thought I recognised some of the cars from yesterday, but I musta been mistaken – who would get their car washed two days in a row?
I couldn’t believe Jimmy had a boner again, with his see-through shorts and all, but he sure did! I even saw him a couple times touch it, when he was talkin’ to a customer! Not rub it or anything gross, but he would walk up to the window of the car, where the driver was, and just kinda bump it with the end of the hose in his hand, keeping his boner stiff, and ask the driver for five bucks! I’m sure some of the drivers saw it, too! Not that Robbie and Rocky were any better – whenever they walked past each other, circling around the car to sponge it down, they were always grabbing at each other’s dicks, or pulling the loose material of their shorts up at the back, exposing a cheek of their butts. The drivers didn’t seem to mind – at least nobody complained to our parents!
At the end of our third day of car washing, Jimmy announced that we had made another ninety-two bucks – thirty-two of that was in tips! That made nearly two hundred bucks! Jimmy said it was ‘imperative’ that I listen to what the bitches were planning for Thursday, so we could beat them to it, so I had my secret mission for the night. He also told us to dry our shorts out, and make sure our parents didn’t find ’em. I was afraid to ask what we would be wearing the next day!
Thursday morning, we had our ‘business meeting’ as Jimmy called it, right after breakfast, on the front lawn of Robbie’s house, under the umbrella. Everyone was waiting for me to report on what the girls discussed on the phone last night. I told them that Anne-Maree was giggling so much I could hardly understand what she was sayin’, but I eventually heard that they were sticking with the long t-shirts and bikini bottoms that they wore on Wednesday, but with a difference – they were going to start cleaning the insides of the cars as well.
Jimmy rubbed his finger and thumb on his chin, like he was thinkin’. He asked me whether the bitches said anything about the drivers staying inside their cars. I said that it puzzled me when they said it, but yeah, the drivers were supposed to sit inside, behind the wheel. Then Jimmy stood up, to explain what we were gonna do today. But before doing that, he told us something about his uncle, who he was savin’ up to stay with in L.A.
He said whenever his uncle came to visit him, he always patted Jimmy on the butt, whenever he could. In the mornings, after school, when he got out of the bathtub, when he walked past him in the living room, in pajamas, it didn’t matter. His uncle loved patting his butt, and Jimmy kinda got used to it. His uncle gave him a nickel every time he did it, so Jimmy kinda looked forward to it, as well.
Nicky surprised me by saying that Rocky’s big brother Alfonso (Nicky is staying with Rocky, remember) is always patting him on the butt and wrestling on the floor and the couch with him. Rocky admitted that Alf did that kinda stuff with him all the time, too. Then Robbie said that his next-door neighbour was always taking photos of him in the back yard in his swimsuit, and he especially liked it when Robbie pulled the back of his swimsuit down and showed his butt for a photo. His neighbour gave him a half-dollar every time he did that, Robbie said.
Then Jimmy asked me whether I had anything to add. I still couldn’t quite work out what all these guys were getting at, about being patted on the butt and having photos of their butt taken, so I just said that Mister Kardenhaus, the school janitor, whenever he sees me in the hall, calls me over to him and sits me on his knee so I can tell him how my day is going. He puts his hand across my thighs so I don’t fall off.
Jimmy nodded. “So we all understand what needs to be done,” he says, and the other guys all nod, but I haven’t got a clue what they’re all talkin’ about. So I figure, better than lookin’ dumb, I’ll just watch what the others do, and then I’ll get it. We all went up to the side of Robbie’s house, behind the bushes, and changed into the cut-up shorts again. I wasn’t sure, but it seemed to me that Jimmy’s shorts were shorter than yesterday – they hardly came down to the top of his legs; and the slit up the side wasn’t a slit any more, it looked more like an upside-down “V.”
As I looked around, I noticed that Nicky’s shorts seemed to be different, somehow, as well. They sure weren’t the same ones he had on yesterday. Nicky saw me looking at them, and told me that he thought the legs were a bit too long, so he shortened them. Then Robbie said that yeah, he made the legs of his shorts a bit shorter, too, because they got uncomfortable bein’ so long. Rocky said the fork of the shorts got itchy when it was wet so he trimmed it a little – now it looked like only a string was holding the two halves together. Jimmy gave me the scissors, in case I wanted to ‘improve’ my shorts, but I didn’t know what to do – shorts are shorts, after all.
So, we set to work, and I noticed a few of the cars had out-of-state tags, so maybe word was gettin’ around of how good our car wash was! After I finished one car with the chamois, I told Jimmy he could collect the money from the driver. His dick was stickin’ straight out again, and because he had cut the legs off the shorts, there sure wasn’t much material left to cover it! But he just walked right on up to the driver, and asked if there was anything else we could do for him, So the driver says “Such as?,” and I can see him lookin’ right at Jimmy’s boner. So Jimmy called Nicky over to the car window.
I couldn’t exactly hear what Jimmy was sayin’, but it sounded like he was tellin’ the driver that for ten bucks extra, Nicky would dust his radio. I thought the driver would just laugh at him for sure, but he took one look at Nicky and opened the door. Nicky leaned right across the guy’s lap and started dusting that radio. I never knew radios could get so dusty. I was also puzzled that the guy didn’t get out of the car and give Nicky more room, or maybe open the passenger door so Nicky could get in from that side. Boy, there sure is a lot to learn in the car wash business!
It was a funny sight, kinda – I could see Nicky’s bare legs sticking out of the car door, with the driver’s hands on Nicky’s butt to stop him from fallin’; the driver’s hands were kinda shakin’ some, like he was shiverin’ or whatever; Jimmy was just standing there feelin’ his boner and watchin’ Nicky’s butt get rubbed; then the driver started gruntin’ a bit, and Jimmy said “Time’s up!” The driver handed over fifteen bucks, and Jimmy gave Nicky a pat on the back. It was weird!
Nicky wasn’t the only one that got to clean inside the cars: after we finished another out-of-stater, Jimmy came over to the driver’s window and said to the guy that Robbie and Rocky could clean the door handles in the back seat for an additional fifteen bucks, and the guy could watch to make sure they did a good job. The guy looked at Robbie and Rocky in their little white shorts, and handed Jimmy the cash right off!
They piled into the back seat, and I could hear ‘em squirmin’ around, like there wasn’t much room. They musta both been lying down on the seat, to get a better angle at the door handles, I guess, ’cause I couldn’t see ’em – but I could sure hear ’em! They musta polished those handles ’til they glowed, by the sound of it – even the driver was impressed, ’cause he leaned over the front seat and watched the whole thing! When they finished and got outta the car, I noticed they both had boners, but that happens sometimes when you have to work close up alongside somebody, it ain’t their fault.
Even I got a turn at workin’ inside the cars – boy, was it weird! Jimmy asked this guy if he wanted his rear-view mirror shined, and said that I would do it for him, but it would cost twenty bucks! It was the stupidest deal I ever heard of, but after lookin’ me over, to see that I was up to the job I guess, the guy went for it! So I climbed in on his lap and sat there, and reached up to the mirror with my washrag. He had one hand on my thigh, to keep me from fallin’ off, he said, and the other on my chest, to, well, keep me from fallin’ over, I guess. But it musta took a lot of effort, ‘cause the guy never stopped groanin’ the whole time.
By suppertime, when we had to call it quits, we had made nearly a hundred bucks in just the one day! That made over three hundred so far, and we were almost up to Jimmy’s target! A return bus ticket to L.A. was ninety bucks, so we had to make four-fifty all up, and we weren’t far off, but we only had one more day, ’cause the bus only left on Saturdays. Jimmy asked Nicky to wait behind a minute, but the rest of us took off for our homes for supper. Robbie didn’t have very far to go!
On Friday morning, we all assembled at the front of Robbie’s house like usual. Jimmy said that ‘this was it’, like we were goin’ to land at Iwo Jima or somethin’. We snuck down the side of Robbie’s house, behind the bushes, like usual, and started takin’ our clothes off, to change into the shorts, like usual. I noticed Robbie and Rocky already had boners, and were playin’ at grabbin’ each other’s dicks and laughin’. I had some good news for a change: I told the guys that I listened in to Anne-Maree on the phone again last night, and she was tellin’ some other girl that Phoebe Collins got busted by some grown-up for not wearin’ a bra under her t-shirt. Anne-Maree told this other girl that Mrs Collins grounded Phoebe for a week, then she said that the car washing detergent was making her hair go all frizzy, so she was pulling out as well – the bottom line was, the girls’ car wash was all washed up!
Jimmy was pretty excited – he started to bone up too – he said that now we got rid of the bitches, nothin’ could stand in our way. He said we were gonna introduce a new feature in our car washes, to make even more money: Nicky was gonna give each driver a blow-job, on account of he was so good at it, for only twenty bucks a pop. Nicky got upset, and yelled “You promised you wouldn’t tell, if I gave you one!” and sat on the ground naked and sulked. “I’m not gonna do it no more – you can keep the money, I don’t want it.”
We were all kinda dumbfounded by this – Nicky was snifflin’ and rubbin’ his snotty nose on his arm, and saying that Jimmy could keep his share! That was over sixty bucks! But then, Robbie stopped playin’ with Rocky’s dick long enough to say to Jimmy that they didn’t want the money either, they didn’t need it, and Jimmy could have their shares for his trip and all, and they were sick of washin’ cars, and they were goin’ over to Rocky’s house to mess around some, ’cause him Mom wasn’t home. They pulled their cloths back on and left.
Jimmy sat on the ground next to Nicky, and tried to make it up to him, but Nicky sounded pretty cut up to me. It looked like the whole car wash operation was a bust. Jimmy said he knew how much the bike meant to me, and gave me my share – sixty five bucks! Then he helped Nicky get dressed, and dressed himself, and led him away, to Jimmy’s house, I guess. That left me, standin’ there in a pair of white shorts that revealed more than they covered, if you know what I mean. I guess I got so used to wearin’ ’em, and how comfortable they felt, that I just put ’em on out of habit. I figured I might as well tidy up Robbie’s Mom’s front yard of all our car wash stuff, or else she might tell my Mom we made a mess of it.
A car horn sounded. I peeked out from behind the bushes. It was another one of those out-of-state guys. I came around the side of the bushes to see what the guy wanted. He said he’d heard there was a great car wash here, and wanted to get something special done to his car. Now that’s when something funny started happening. See, I been watching everyone the last few days, and noticing how Jimmy walked around with a boner most of the time, even right up to the drivers’ windows, without caring who saw. And Robbie and Rocky, they always seemed to be touchin’ each other’s boners, and I don’t think they were goin’ to Rocky’s house to play Monopoly just now. And Nicky – boy, I never heard of no guy givin’ another guy a blowjob before; I thought only girls did that. Jimmy said blowjobs weren’t really sex anyway, they were just… well, messin’ around.
So I’m standing there, in front of this guy, with just my white shorts on with big splits up the sides, thinkin’ about all what’s been happening with the car wash this week, and I started to bone up! The guy in the car was lookin’ right at it! But I didn’t cover it up, ‘cause… well… I kinda liked that he could see it. It just got stiffer and stiffer, until it pointed right at him! So I half-turned to look up the street, to see if anyone was watchin’, or any more cars were comin’, but that meant the guy could look straight into the side of my shorts and probably could see my whole boner from side-on! So then he kinda smiled and said that the ash-tray in the back seat needed polishing, and he would pay fifty bucks if I done a good job of it. Then he got out of the driver’s seat and opened the back door of his car and got in – on the back seat!
Fifty more dollars would give me just enough for that bike! I could feel my boner throbbin’, like it was already hopin’ for some action. I heard the guy in the back seat unzip his slacks, and wriggle around on the seat a little. The back door of the car was open, waiting for me to jump in…
“Sure!” I said.
